I am NOT a slut slammer, HOWEVER......

Ladies men...are irresistibly annoying! 
There is something so annoying about a guy who knows he is irresistible, says and does irresistible things meanwhile you know in the back of your mind...you are definitely not the only woman that is potentially falling prey to all that irresistibleness.  The so called Ladies men.

So recently, I was seeing this guy. Ok! So he was decent looking...and by that ..I mean he was screeaaming "OMGosh" handsome. Dark, sharp shape-up, 6 ft 3, deep voice like Barry White, body that belongs in one of those Men's Health Magazines AND he did the whole opening of doors and pulling of seats! Oopffhh! If you know me at all, you will know that this was a guy dangerously after my heart. However it had only been a few dates so it was very very very early days just yet.

Anyways.

Everything was going swimmingly!!! I was even starting to daydream about what our first kiss would eventually be like....until ..the "Body Count" conversation popped up over a glass of Pinot Noir. 

Now as odd and political this subject is, I was all too happy to play along and find out his first. I wasn't going to share information with him unless his response was definitely a honest and sincere one.

"You go first” I said coyly, looking up all flirtatiously through my eyelashes. 

“Try and guess,” he replied in that deep delicious voice that sent chills down the back of my arms. 


So I gave him a good hard look from head to toe, drinking in his chiseled cheek bones, broad muscular shoulders and biceps, slim waist, and his long well formed thighs through his "True Religion" jeans with my eyes whilst mentally salivating.
In my mind, I multiplied the number of weeks it took for God to sit and formulate this fine being by the number of years he lived minus the age I presumed he would have lost his virginity plus the number of girlfriends he had previously mentioned plus the number of summers flings he potentially would have had...

I came up with 45. Well I guessed 45 would be a really high but realistic number for a guy this beautiful. I mean he looked like a Greek god that had been rolled in dark chocolate and slow roasted in wine. His skin was so fresh! It was just begging to be licked!
"Mmm 40?" I replied tentatively. I was actually hoping it was half that number or even a fourth.
He looked at me incredulously and laughed so hard.... the hopeful smile started to drop from my face..sloowwly.He glanced down at his drink then seductively looked up at me. My nipples hardened. KAIIII!!!!!

After a long pause and just before I was thinking to rip off his top... he replied, "207"

I froze.
I didn't gasp,
I didn't blink, 
I didn't even flipping breathe!

I just sat frozen and stared. 
I think I mentally fainted..... I had a seizure of the soul! (Nigerian accent)

He placed his hand on mine and I automatically pulled my hand away like I had been burnt by fire.

"207?!!" I shrieked! "That is a the population of a small village! What are you? Public toilet?" Nigerian accent on full blast! I was soo shocked, that I had forgotten I was British!

"Are you a Vaginator? Some kin Vaginasmith?!"

Suddenly, as I looked at this beautiful creature, all I could see was Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Syphilis tiny monsters crawling all over his face and body, pointing and cackling at me.
I imagined all the 207 different female juices that his skin was carrying. The notches on his bedpost. Would there even be a bedpost left after 207 notches? Maybe he ran out of bedposts so now he notches his mattress.

I had sooo many questions!! "So... is this a babe every other weekend? How many kids do you have? How many Mother's day cards do you buy a year!? Have you ever contracted something? You must have to wrap your penis in some sort of Biohazard bag! Do you even still have a soul? Do you even ejaculate anymore? Do you even get feeling down there anymore? Aren't the nerves in your willy broken.. or sore? Did you go through females in one family or area then move on? Do you find it hard forming bonds? Do you have mother issues, I mean did your mum abandon you as a child? Where any of those your family members? Did you even know your mum, bruv? So do you agree you have attacked more vaginas than cervical cancer? Are you're sure you're not just gay and trying to suppress the homosexual desires?"

Needless to say...the date ended soon after. I found it hard to make eye contact and we never really spoke again there after.

I felt like I had somehow lost respect for him in a way. In my opinion there is nothing interesting about a guy that almost the whole of Bristol has had. That is bad of me.. I know..but definitely was not interested in being number 208.

Number 208... like some Chinese Menu Order.

I didn't mean to judge him on all TWO HUNDRED & SEVEN women he had Kpo'd but hey had it been the other way around... he might have thrown the bottle at my head. 

 Yeah, it's possible I over-reacted but I was not dumb enough to think this....guy was going to change for me. Is my name JESUS?! In my opinion, unless the Holy Spirit is FULLY involved, Man whores only grow up to either be lonely old playboys or philandering HIV infested husbands.

Neither of which I want any connection with!

Food for Fort

When you refuse to listen to your instincts. That quiet nagging voice in the back of your head....you tend to suffer the consequences of your stubbornness and hard headedness.

Better sooner than later.

The First

The first to love is the purest

The first to care is of gold

The first to forgive is the strongest

The first to believe is of faith

The first to apologise is the bravest

The first to forget is the happiest

An Afro First Lady

When I saw this picture, my first reaction was to jump for joy! Then..I realised..it was just a photoshopped image. How cool would it have been if this was a real picture? 

Broody!

Recently I have been feeling increasingly broody. INCREASINGLY! I cry when I see babies. I cry when I hear a baby crying. I sigh at the sight of baby clothes. The other day, I downloaded a "Baby names" App. Sad right!? Miserable even!

According to my concerned friends, it is my body telling me that I am ready to finally use my uterus. Unfortunately the rest of my life doesn't agree. Such as the fact that my finances and career are not where I want them at yet. Especially the fact that my mother has not decided to retire yet from her job or wearing skinny jeans. Thus I won't have a free live in babysitter until she is ready to mature and accept Grandma-ship.

Finding a suitable sperm donor would also be pleasant as impossible as it starting to seem.

Till then I will just swoon over these super cute pics!

Food for Fort: 57

The thing that you are waiting for to succeed. The thing you feel you need most to fulfil your lifes purpose. It is already within you. You were made equipped and ready from conception.

Now that you know this, what will you do now?

Food for Fort: 56

Make the decision today! Quit cheating on your future with your past. It ain't healthy yo!