Words do still falter at ones' lips
despite the time passed
Emotions still raw on events passed
yet present within mind and heart.
A heart not yet healed from previous wound.
Love still softens chest with kind memories.
And so it shall remain until
the gods take sword and remove such from chest.
No ill word or slander shall ever take leave from lips,
For fear it would bring rise to vengeful serpent,
quenched only by despair and blood.
This heart not yet turned from previous call.
Though cast from presence and affections without remorse,
Not once has name been far from heart.
Comfort taken only by the prayer that, kindred spirits
will one day be bonded in love and purpose once again.
All ill intent voided by the gods' lesson of the truest love.
the heart not yet risen from previous fall.
The humming birds reside in my stomach
Forget the butterflies, this stuff is real!
The earthly voice I am bound to follow
till the day I no longer breathe and exhale
The promise of your future on my left hand,
Fouth finger.
The mere thoughts of our life ahead.
Our hearts entwined in purpose and rhyme
Conversations untiring unaware of flying time
When my genes finally and expectantly meet yours
And we create God's most amazing miracle
Life!
A little me mixed with a whole lot of you
Our night vigils of passion turned to nurturing
But each moment concludes with joy untold
Our eternity is too short, lets ask God for more
My blog this week is dedicated to the Nollywood movie, Ladies men. (see bottom)
Like most Nigerian movies, the story is divided into Four parts; Ladies Men, Ladies Men 2, Ladies Gang and Ladies Gang 2.
I am hardcore sucker for a watermelon juicy storyline, so I stayed up until 6am watching this film and I can honestly say it was worth every yawn and rub of the tired red eyes.
The film was basically a story that followed the love lives of six couples. The real aim was to identify the types of men that we women are sometimes sooo unlucky and sadly cursed enough to meet. If you are like me then you will have met all in one lifetime. I must have really pissed someone off in a past life meehhhnn. Due to my experience and "ahem" expertise in this matter, I thought I would write a “How to deal with him” thingy. Can't think of the proper word right now.
So you had:
The Dictator
The Playboy
The Sex Addict
The Mama’s boy
The Workaholic
The Weak man
The first man I would like to discuss is The Workaholic. Why? Because he is simply the easiest to deal with!
How you may ask? BECAUSE THEY ARE USUALLY A LOST CASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the movie, he was named Charles and !#Cheiiiiiiiiiiiiii$! The guy they chose was FUgly meehnn!!! He was lucky enough to be paired up with a very pretty girlfriend, Maggie, who would continuosly beg for him to pay her some attention. My guy would literally walk into the room ready to hug, then his phone rings and suddenly he forgets she is even alive.
Let me make you aware now, that I truly believe that in every relationship a real strong woman is the one in charge and it takes a real man to understand and respect this. In turn, he receives the woman’s respect and submission.
So in the instance I blame Maggie for this maga’s demeanour. Us women need to adopt the term “Time is money.”
Why?
When Charles first met Maggie, I am sure he was the one chasing after her number and begging for her to give him a chance. And like any woman, you would be attracted to a guy who seems made and hardworking. You see that he could be an inspiration to you and a muse to your own aspirations. Little did she know that she was just another furniture to be acquired, ignored and disappointed. The only consolation was that he regularly dashed out very generous cheques into her lil hands, which is all good, but only for so long.
Now let us put me Ghene into Maggie’s shoes! LOOOOOL!
I can tell you, you have three options.
Option 1
Sabotage+ Nag + destroy = Possible dismissal or even death.
Yes!!! This is an option! You could start off with a complain, a plee and if unheeded, it is time to change it up into a daily annoying and desperate nag!! (Personally, I haven't got the time).
If he is still being stubborn then it is time to get really down n dirty with “accidentally" pouring coffee on his laptop or drop his mobile in the sink or if you’re extra annoyed, an unflushed toilet. He will have to be real crazy to still pick that nastiness up. Hahhhha!!
Ok so after this point, you might really start to try his patience, depending on how deep his workaholic sickness has entered his anatomy. A less tolerant guy could “Chris Brown” you at this point so I suggest leaving the vincinity real quick.
If this still doesn’t work, it’s time to bring out the big guns!! I mean turn NUTZZZ, KOLO, CRAZY, MENTAL!!
How?
Simply sit him down and advise him to either invest in indestructible electronics or bear the brunt of your wrath if he ever works whilst your around again. Say it with a poker straight face. I personally would throw in a "psycho twitch" just so he really believes you're totally unstable and thinks hardcore before crossing you in anyway. If he is smart, he will hide his laptop and phone even when you call!
Only a really head strong goat of a man will remain stubborn after this point. He obviously has very little regard for you or the time you are willing to share with him.
No worries! Okay, before you implement this next bit, please oooo! Have life insurance with Ghenz Odu as the benefactor!!! Very very important!
Done?!
Okay, now we may commence! Simply snatch this treasured piece of electronic and smash it on the floor. Whilst doing this, maintain eye contact with him to drive home the anger of your action and to also be ready to dodge should he swing at your head. The end result of this will most definately get you battered, "Chris Brown'd", killed or simply dumped. Please pray for the latter.
I would suggest this option, unless, you're really crazy and suicidal
Option 2 Take advantage
Okay, us women can be very senstive creatures. Whilst we enjoy being spoilt, all day shopping and getting pedicures, we still crave love and attention. The lack of any of these elements can drive a weaker woman away or even worse, astray.
This option will definately appeal to a more materialistic woman.
You can stay with him, continue to get ignored but certainly collect his money and try to shop so much to fill the hole that he has left uncared for.
Eventually, if you are that brave and bored, you can look elsewhere to fill this hole.
Yes, as in, have an affair. Aim for one of his close friend or relative though, just to hit him where it hurts.
If you reaaaaaaaaallllly are that crazy, I dare you to get knocked up by your secret lover. Then!!!!! GEN-GEN!!! Have your workaholic husband find out!!! MUUAHAHA!(evil laugh)!
His head will spin at the stories that have been occurring whilst his head was stuck in a laptop!
Outcomes will be certified attempted murder on your life and worse, so I suggest only the hardest women should use this option.
Option 3 Talk then walk.
This is by far my favourite choice. Whilst it is more civilised, life preserving and jsut plain normal, it also allows you as a woman to keep your self respect and control of the situation. I firmly believe that if a guy has taken time to approach you in hopes of getting to know you, then he must show effort and time that he is investing into getting to you. He must endeavour to fit into YOUR schedule, if he is to actually get in there. At no point in time should you begin to start running after him to pay you attention. Why?!
Because your are damn well worth it and more. If the mumu is too retarded, blind, foolish, and idiotic to see it, then respect yourself, your mother and hers and simply move on!
If you don't agree, slap yourself.... hard.
If the dude is not ready to treat you as a Princess then, homie, he has no reason to be your prince. Simples!!!
So I was sitting on the train this evening back from London when I got talking to the Oyinbo woman sitting next to me. Let us call her Maevis for now, (it ain't her name doe). She seemed really lovely but I am sure everyone knows how to identify a depressed person who seems to just want to air out their troubles to you. I believe in stranger love so I entertained her enthusiasm to share her worries with me.
After a bit of gossiping and giggling ( you would have thought me and she were home girls!), she revealed to me that she was having a spot of bother in the love sector of her life. It turns out that the guy she had been dating for three years, wanted to marry her but wouldn't and couldn't do so unless she turned Muslim! I literally took one look at her sad and depressed anatomy and told her to promptly drop his number, let me tell him about himself!!!!!! Is he a JOKEIST!??! A BLUDDY COMEDIAN??!!?
For the past three years they had been in love, living together as "man and wife", if you get my drift and even had a child, but when it came to the vows, that is when my guy decides to remember "Allah" and feel the need for a Muslim wife!
Having been brought up in a strict Christian home, she couldn't imagine herself converting to Islam. It totally went against all that she knew and learnt. In the end, she separated from her boyfriend.
All I can say is that, I respect her and her choice. Why you may ask? Because she understood that her God comes before any demand of a simple man. You can't just get up and decide to change faith, not without facts and proper convincing that this faith is the true one to follow. "Show me the truth, facts, make me believe with words of wisdom and mate...... I will gladly wear that hijab again!"
I am not saying she was right to not convert, I just do not agree that it should be to done to keep the love of a man or anyone for that matter. If someone is ready to love you, for real, they should be ready to accept and respect everything that comes with you.
Religion or faith is not like a bad habit or attitude a person possesses but a walk of life. One of the biggest attributes that define an individual. To strip or rid a person, whom you are meant to love off such a vital aspect in their life is to render the self delusion of love completely void, selfish and irrelevant.
Being a Christian woman, if ever I became interested in a Muslim brother, I would first of search within myself to consider if I could accept his faith in any and every possible outcome of our courtship. Whether it is just for fun or whether it could actually head somewhere in the future.
Without a doubt, I will make him aware that, if he is getting involved, he needs to understand that what he sees is what he is getting. "If he no like am or him think sey he go fih change am, abeg mek him commot from my front with immediate alacrity!"
No doubt, this will require true love, tolerance and respect to work out
In terms of living and raising kids, I have seen many happy marriages between those of Christian and Islamic faith. They have endeavoured to teach the children both faiths and bring them up correctly. On Sunday, the children follow their mother to church, on Friday, it is the mosque with Dad. Either ways, the children are brought up to understand that God or Allah is Number one in all things, especially when it comes to the matter of the heart.
A happy girl, in love and feeling the warmth of blessings on her life, sits on the train home. She has just spent an amazing week away with her significant other and is still reeling with happiness. As she sits at the window pane, she waves at him, whilst he stands surrounded in snow, blowing her kisses. In this exact moment she feels a surge of emotion and wonders, “Could he be the one?” Because this one, he is different. A year on and not a bad word has been uttered between them, nor a raised voice. As in, to coexist is something so innate and natural, as if they knew each other in another life. She is his beginning and he is her end. Compatibility, love, mutual respect, attraction and supplementation are at its' best. Where there is enjoyment in just sitting in each other’s company in total and utter silence. In this moment she feels like she could do this for life.
And then the demons creep in........”Nothing lasts forever” they whisper coyly.
Unfortunately as annoying as it is for them to crash upon this moment uninvited, they are perfectly correct. Life and its experiences will change people and their attitudes. All of a sudden, the attributes that attracted you in the first place, may cease to be there in a few weeks, months or years. And from my point of view, this is ridiculously scary – as in – I could lose what little hair I have thinking about this!
Why you may ask. Because it takes time for me to love, but when I do, I love hard! HARDCORE!! Be it family, friend or lover, if Ghene truly loves you, you will definitely know! I enjoy giving love. I love that sensation when I look at someone, knowing that no matter what, this love is unconditional.
But as I have learnt, even unconditional love cannot make a relationship last forever. There are people that up till now, I still love certain people from my past so dearly and wholeheartedly but I don’t actually talk to them and may never will. You would think that because of this I would shy away from forming new relationships or opening my heart again to love so fiercely. You would think I would hold all at an arm’s length and break all relationships on my own terms to avoid heartache.
But where is the joy in that? How can you be possibly happy without loving another unrequited or not? If anything, failures in love drive should us to love more and to appreciate the special relationships and bonds we currently have. We don’t know where they may lead nor do we know when they will end if ever at all. The best we can do is take each day as it comes and love like it was our last day alive. This relationship may end next week but before it does, we must aim to get as much love as we can in there before parting. That way, for us, that love will still last forever in our hearts.
I admit.... I am not an expert in relationships. But not everyone knows what is good love and what is bad love. I think love is like a special kind of spice. It can add either a sweet or very bitter taste to your life. Most love relationships start of real sweet but end so bitterly you just want to spit, choke and cough!
One thing my mother always said to me as I grew up was that a happy relationship is one where the woman is in the driving seat. Then, my young feminist mind believed that meant, women standing on roof tops declaring supieority over our fellow male brothers and beating their chests. King kong stylee!
I look back and laugh at memories of myself trying to implement this nonsense!! SMH!
Imagine a 16 year old me with the whole gel-slicked back bun, nose piercing and hazel contacts hollering at sum tall lanky boy, "You are my bitch, BITCH! Recognise!!! Aaaaaiiittee?"(Cockney Accent)
LOL!! Boi, life has taught me exactly what the mother was trying to teach me the hard way!
IN MY OPINION (the grown up and more mature one)
"In any man-woman interaction, the woman is in control!"SIMPLES!!(Nigerian accent)
Ok so you are going to ask me how, some guy may get emotional and grab his crotch, so I will explain.
A smart guy will always fear a woman when first meeting her.
First of all PLEASE note how I stated a "smart" guy. This is a very important part because YES, there are some ridiculously silly and suicidal guys out there who will talk anyhow to anyone.
Pray, fast or bathe in the River Jordan hardcore so that the path of your life will never meet with the paths of these imbecilic twats.( I hope that is actually a word)
Ok! Back to smart guys fearing the woman. What I mean is that he will first approach you in a way where he will try to see what kind of person you are right from the get-go. From my few life lessons, I believe it is these early days that determine the rest of your relationship with this man.]
If in the early days this guy realises that you are a big softy and easy to push or cajole around...... that my dear is your portion for life. As for me.. I Reject It InJESUSName!! Amen!
Ladies, the key to gaining respect from a guy is truly in our hands.They are like.... like ... sheep!! Play about with them too much and they will definately lose their ways and get brave, dumb, foolish even suicidal at times!!!
Show them the levels and ways from day and they will come correct.(Well most of them anyways!)
So imagine you are admiring the bees and the birds...... then some park-side beast just enters your line of view from nowhere and grunts, "Oi!"
A woman of integrity will understand that there is a demon manifesting in him and walk past praying for the salvation of his soul. Meanwhile an attention hungry pitiful female will begin to flutter her eyelashes and reply, "Oh, you mean me??!" *slaps her head! "Silly omo buruku!*
Or you can have situation where a man has become so complacent in his relationship with his girlfriend or wife that he begins to disregard her and all that she holds important and dear to her. Despite both these dudes being the big idiots that they are, the fault lies with the women especially the latter. If she had stopped him the first time he did it and corrected him, he would be less likely to repeat such felonies and foolishness!
"Silence isn’t always golden. Don't use silence as a means of avoiding controversy,or a weapon to control, frustrate, punish or manipulate."
If you sit back and have it now and never put your heels down you will continue taking rubbish for the rest of your relationship, however long that lasts or until sense finally becomes common to your life. I understand you may love them or whatever, but if keeping them in your life or keeping the peace in your relationship requires you to lay down like a horse stable mat(door mat is too polite)......... then that my dear is definitely bad love.
The end note of this blog is that us as women need to remember to love ourselves dearly. We suffer enough with menstruation, childbirth and stretch marks, we deserve to be loved and worshipped by those that take up our time. Simply decide to respect yourself and others will follow suit. If not.... please show them the patch of wall they will be thrown through!
