We have all been in relationships where we decide to withhold certain information from our partners to spare their feelings, avoid too many questions or to avoid a fight. That is all great until your partner figures out that you were actually out gallivanting the streets with your ex the previous day and not at work, slaving away as he or she assumed.
When this happens, who is at fault?
You might defend yourself by stating that they never asked what you were up to, yet your partner assumes that you would be forthcoming in instances such as these.
As everything in life, nothing is completely black or white or even just grey. There is somewhat of a spectrum. Some omissions are harmless, while others are necessary and pretty damning. Some believe that omissions are another versions of white lies, but not inherently lies in themselves. But at what point do you draw the line? When does an omission become a lie? Or does it even become a lie at all?
Lies of omission are often just as damaging as an outright untruth. When someone makes a conscious decision not to disclose information for one reason or the other, that would have an overwhelmingly negative effect, as far as I'm concerned, it’s no different from telling me an outright lie.
You will have some people argue that there is no such thing as telling a lie by omission which is purely an individual opinion.
But the effects of lying and failing to inform with all the necessary information causes two damning things
Once you have yourself in a situation where someone finds it hard to trust what you do say, that relationship is pretty messed up.
A strong and solid relationship needs trust to thrive and when the most sacred of trust bonds is broken, it isn’t easily repaired.
Relationships cannot thrive without solid communication. When one partner feels mistrust and not able to trust the other, this hinders the ability to talk things out and communication becomes broken and crippled.
Trust is the foundation of any good relationships. If trust becomes compromised it can lead to really serious problems in the relationship. Without trust, it is hard to maintain the level of intimacy needed in a relationship.
Big or small, you should never lie to someone you claim to love. The bigger the lie, the more it will hurt your relationship. Honesty is as important to your relationship as love. Lying contradicts everything that love stands for. Love is meant to be a mechanism of openness and honesty enabling us to grow together.
Whilst his facts are correct, I was now in a situation!
As everything in life, nothing is completely black or white or even just grey. There is somewhat of a spectrum. Some omissions are harmless, while others are necessary and pretty damning. Some believe that omissions are another versions of white lies, but not inherently lies in themselves. But at what point do you draw the line? When does an omission become a lie? Or does it even become a lie at all?
Lies of omission are often just as damaging as an outright untruth. When someone makes a conscious decision not to disclose information for one reason or the other, that would have an overwhelmingly negative effect, as far as I'm concerned, it’s no different from telling me an outright lie.
You will have some people argue that there is no such thing as telling a lie by omission which is purely an individual opinion.
But the effects of lying and failing to inform with all the necessary information causes two damning things
- Doubt in what you do say
- Doubt in what you do NOT
Once you have yourself in a situation where someone finds it hard to trust what you do say, that relationship is pretty messed up.
Relationships cannot thrive without solid communication. When one partner feels mistrust and not able to trust the other, this hinders the ability to talk things out and communication becomes broken and crippled.
Trust is the foundation of any good relationships. If trust becomes compromised it can lead to really serious problems in the relationship. Without trust, it is hard to maintain the level of intimacy needed in a relationship.
Big or small, you should never lie to someone you claim to love. The bigger the lie, the more it will hurt your relationship. Honesty is as important to your relationship as love. Lying contradicts everything that love stands for. Love is meant to be a mechanism of openness and honesty enabling us to grow together.
I do not think anything compares to what happens when someone hears what you are saying, maybe even believes it but wonders what else have you left out.
A few months back I was seeing a guy which then progressed into a short term relationship.
Very short and I will tell you why!
When we first got together, I asked him outright what was the situation with his ex-girlfriend and in his exact words, "I would have married that girl, but no we do not speak anymore."
My first thought was "Wow!! Thank God for that!" and I never asked again.
I mean, who wants to be dating a guy who is best pals with the girl he used to bang and wanted to marry?
Now me and this guy used to speak every single day, at least twice and see each other no less than 3-4 times a week. (We worked within 15 minutes walk of each other so it was easier to pleasantly stalk one another)
Six months later, we had met up after work, and dining at TGI's, gnawing at the all time amazing Jack Daniel wings platter.
He asked me, What guys are on your case at the moment?"
I answered diplomatically without really answering, "There are always guys babe, but you are the one I am with."
I mentally high-fived myself my swift atticism right there- but alas, an opportunity to ask about the wretched ex he used to bang and wanted to marry.
"How often do you speak to your ex? (I have never learnt her name...why would I need to?)
pretending to be occupied with my Blueberry Daiquiri.
"Yeah we speak quite often."
Silence--- very awkward silence
I laughed and asked how often?
With that began the ending of my relationship.
To cut the story very short, it turned out that they did more than speak often.
In short, they had become so close as friends that in my eyes, they were back in a relationship!!
As all this was going on, for SIX months, I was completely oblivious. I figured, with him spending so much time with me, where would he have the time to entertain another woman.
A few months back I was seeing a guy which then progressed into a short term relationship.
Very short and I will tell you why!
When we first got together, I asked him outright what was the situation with his ex-girlfriend and in his exact words, "I would have married that girl, but no we do not speak anymore."
My first thought was "Wow!! Thank God for that!" and I never asked again.
I mean, who wants to be dating a guy who is best pals with the girl he used to bang and wanted to marry?
Now me and this guy used to speak every single day, at least twice and see each other no less than 3-4 times a week. (We worked within 15 minutes walk of each other so it was easier to pleasantly stalk one another)
Six months later, we had met up after work, and dining at TGI's, gnawing at the all time amazing Jack Daniel wings platter.
He asked me, What guys are on your case at the moment?"
I answered diplomatically without really answering, "There are always guys babe, but you are the one I am with."
I mentally high-fived myself my swift atticism right there- but alas, an opportunity to ask about the wretched ex he used to bang and wanted to marry.
"How often do you speak to your ex? (I have never learnt her name...why would I need to?)
pretending to be occupied with my Blueberry Daiquiri.
"Yeah we speak quite often."
Silence--- very awkward silence
I laughed and asked how often?
With that began the ending of my relationship.
To cut the story very short, it turned out that they did more than speak often.
- They messaged each other up until the early mornings almost every other day.
- They spoke on the phone minimum once a week
- They met for lunch dates and bingo every two weeks.
In short, they had become so close as friends that in my eyes, they were back in a relationship!!
As all this was going on, for SIX months, I was completely oblivious. I figured, with him spending so much time with me, where would he have the time to entertain another woman.
To him, he did nothing wrong as I had never asked about their relationship and when I eventually did, he did not lie.
Whilst his facts are correct, I was now in a situation!
Do I continue in this, unhappy, doubting his every syllable and questioning if he is telling me the whole truth or just the bits I won't question and get upset about?
Even though I do believe he may not have been romantically involved with his ex, the regularity of their interaction and the way I was purposely kept out the loop, made me feel that, this was not the type of person I could trust.
He was dependable, definitely.. but trustworthy? You don't simply miss out for over six month you have been seeing your ex (the one you used to bang and wanted to marry), every two weeks!
.
My feelings went from betrayal, to anger, to rage. This wretched ex knew I was on the scene but was failing dastardly to respect! I knew where she lived and considered sending some goons to teach her small small lessons. (Yes.....I know where the GOAT lives)
But really it was sadness that the man I had chosen to give my time to, also failed to respect me or protect our relationship from such a scandal that truly hit home.
In conclusion, the fear of what I did not know and lack of respect overcame my feelings for him and we came to a very sad but necessary end.
A lie of omission is an intentional failure to tell the truth in a situation requiring disclosure or a lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s in the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker.
A lie of omission is the most insidious, most pervasive, and most common lie on the entire planet. Commonly, those who use this type of lie very often, have conned themselves into believing that to intentionally remain silent when ethical behaviour calls for one to speak up is not a lie at all. In spite of overwhelming evidence that their silence deceives, misleads, and often causes untold grief and misery, they refuse to speak the truth.
No matter how great a person is to you, if you cannot trust them, there is no intimacy, no closeness, no love. Love cannot co-exist with mistrust and deception. Lies not only destroy love between of a couple, but also the person who was deceived.
Without trust, it is a struggle to like not mention love them. If the betrayal is too great, it probably best to move on than to drive yourself crazy about what you do not know.
Keen to hear people's thoughts on this one!
Light, Honesty and Watermelon Fresh Logic!
Ghenz
Even though I do believe he may not have been romantically involved with his ex, the regularity of their interaction and the way I was purposely kept out the loop, made me feel that, this was not the type of person I could trust.
He was dependable, definitely.. but trustworthy? You don't simply miss out for over six month you have been seeing your ex (the one you used to bang and wanted to marry), every two weeks!
.
My feelings went from betrayal, to anger, to rage. This wretched ex knew I was on the scene but was failing dastardly to respect! I knew where she lived and considered sending some goons to teach her small small lessons. (Yes.....I know where the GOAT lives)
But really it was sadness that the man I had chosen to give my time to, also failed to respect me or protect our relationship from such a scandal that truly hit home.
In conclusion, the fear of what I did not know and lack of respect overcame my feelings for him and we came to a very sad but necessary end.
The biggest lie about lies is that a lie of omission is not a lie!
A lie of omission is the most insidious, most pervasive, and most common lie on the entire planet. Commonly, those who use this type of lie very often, have conned themselves into believing that to intentionally remain silent when ethical behaviour calls for one to speak up is not a lie at all. In spite of overwhelming evidence that their silence deceives, misleads, and often causes untold grief and misery, they refuse to speak the truth.
No matter how great a person is to you, if you cannot trust them, there is no intimacy, no closeness, no love. Love cannot co-exist with mistrust and deception. Lies not only destroy love between of a couple, but also the person who was deceived.
Without trust, it is a struggle to like not mention love them. If the betrayal is too great, it probably best to move on than to drive yourself crazy about what you do not know.
Keen to hear people's thoughts on this one!
Light, Honesty and Watermelon Fresh Logic!
Ghenz
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