Forgiveness: Only for the Brave

Earlier this month, I blogged about “Releasing the Beasts” that have failed to stick around in my life for one reason or another. At the time of writing that blog, I truly assumed and believed that that was all that was necessary to truly move on. In the few days or week I have realised that this is just a mere attempt to patch up the holes in a concrete wall with flimsy paper or something. I laugh at how naive I can be!!

The real way of letting go of people is not just by forgetting them. It is so much harder than that and a whole lot more painful my lovelies!!!! MUAHAHAHA!! (evil laugh) “Yes!! It is that damned nonsense called Forgiveness”. (Nigerian accent) Heaven punish whoever designed that nonentity!!! Wait.... wasn’t that God?!!   ARGH!! AM I CRAZY?! OOO BABA OOO (Father)!! I take that back!! :-*

I have lost many a friends in life, but when I lost a friend I considered my blood sister that was when I realised that forgiveness was the only thing I could to stay sane and subdue my deep grief. It is not just forgiving the person that has done you wrong, but also forgiving yourself especially if you blame yourself for some or all of what has occurred. There are three simple words that explain what I have learnt about life.... “It Goes On”. When you are crying or hurting and missing that person and you wonder how you are going to continue your life now... because you never imagined being hurt like this or losing this pillar or friend. Those three words are what will keep you breathing. But in order to ease your breathing and continue your life, forgiveness is entailed.   Now for all you asthmatic folk... yah....I don’t think forgiveness will help you out there homie. So just continue to pack that asthma pump, Yah heard? If some parent tries to sue me because you read this blog and thought it helped your asthma... and you die.... “Then your just very very very silly!” (Miss Jocelyn Nigerian accent) LOOOL!

Now though forgiveness is required, it doesn’t mean that this is an easy thing to do. OMG!!!! It is hard!!! If anything, it hurts more than the wrong that was done to you in the first place. Not only am I passing up on a delicious opportunity to really deliver some sexy ass revenge, I am returning the pain and shame ......with a final form of true love. OH let me say it AGAIN! TRUE LOVE! Somebody Please help me say AMEN!!

 Not just love for the enemy, but love for myself, my mental health and my DAMN freedom. Why?? Well....a vengeful Ghene bwwooooyyyy........is one crazy ass sista that might put someone in a coma or worst yet.... a burner or maybe under a 16 steel wheeled truck with hydraulic weighing over 15 tonnes carrying 16000 logs of wood that will roll over and smother someone into a bloody pancake of skin and intestines which will get eaten up by crows and vultures!!!  Sorry! Just a crazy moment! All gone!

In my experience of this, after the anger had sudsided, when I thought of what this sister and friend had done.... all I could do was to forgive. And by gosh I realised what it meant to truly love. I realised... I actually had a heart and yes I was surprised! In giving forgiveness, I received life, peace and joy. In forgiving, I was not doing it to help her sleep better because I could not care less, I was doing it to ease my soul and to heal my heart. I was gifting MYSELF! So then why was it so hard I still ask myself??!! Well forgiveness is a virtue only found in the brave and strong. I don’t mean brave as in go pick an axe and knock your enemy upside the head and shout, “You Bloody Modafooocker!!! I forgive you oooo!!” (Nigerian accent) As fun as that might be, just let it be, or write in a letter or a text. You don’t have to send it, just as long as you let go with all your heart. All of it! Not half, ALL!

In my heart, I still love and miss her, I hate to hear other talk bad of her...but it is not an issue to lose sleep on. When I am about to get married, I will still hit up her line to ask if she still wants her rightful place as my maid of honour. That my friends...is unconditional love that lasts forever. I may be a fool to be able to love and forgive like this but Lord knows that if we can’t forgive, we can’t move on and live and what is life if you’re not living it.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it”

~Mark Twain

So think about it, cry over it and you have got to realllllllllly cry! Boogey, snot, howl, bang the wall and all of that ish.....then forgive!

Same way if I have wronged anyone like that, I hope they forgive me as well. No need to stab needles into my pictures babe! LOOOOOOL! Nah but seriously though! Do it for you!

Love, Peace and Watermelons Seeds

Releasing the Beasts

In life, we meet a multitude of people. People come, people go, people stay and people simply get chucked the hell out! The way people dance in and out of our lives is like a cycle. If you think about it honestly, you only limited amount of space in your life for a certain amount of people. Somehow you will always be juggling and trying to keep up to date with each friend, you know, see what is new.....show some love and share the latest gossip or drama. Then there the other associates that sort of float on the edges of your life. They drop in from time to time....some, only when they need something.
All these people that float about us..... in some describable way, define us. Whether we want to admit it or not we conform and adapt ourselves ever so slightly to the people we meet. The difference is how much you allow yourself to conform.
But I think the most trying and defining points in my life, is when someone has walked out of it.

Now people leave for various reasons, some that you can not have any control over. But what you do have control over, is how you handle their departure and Lawd!!!! This is the hardest part in life.

You know when someone has ridiculously annoyed or hurt you and you get so angry, you can feel your blood boil?? I personally am familiar with such feelings thus making me a very dangerous enemy me to have. At worst cases, you could sit there and imagine 100 ways to kill this person as slowly as possible.

You could stick them under a car with hydraulics and drive very slowly as you bounce the car up and down, causing them to slam their head numerous times on the concrete pavement and suffer from the friction. Or a personal favourite of mine is to have their fingers, ankles and wrists broken by slamming a large brick on them then slicing all their ligaments one by one!

Disturbing thoughts, Yes I know, but best believe there are many more where that came from! And as bad and horrible as these thoughts are... when someone has annoyed me to this point, I start to think like this!
And yes, it feels SO good and sating to think all these things but in doing this I suppose I am giving these mongrels way too much power over MY life.

This is why this post is called "Releasing the Beasts"! Because these waste atoms called people are truly just Beasts. In releasing them, I mean ERADICATE them from your life, mind, and mouth! Don't think or say anything bad about them. Don't see, hear, feel or acknowledge them. I mean, since they are waste then it is only right you treat them as so right?
After carrying out these missions, suddenly life feels that much brighter. I smile, joke, laugh more and most importantly I feel at easy. As fun and joke as it is to take the piss out of a foe, it is so much more happy and relaxing to simply release that beast! With me, this is hardly a quick process but it comes through with time, effort and maturity. It is difficult at first but nothing is impossible for an angry black woman!

xx