Food for Fort:15

Suffering is a tool in the hands of God for the life of the believer, to shape and conform them into the image of Christ.
S.O Otukpe

The Worst Nightmare Ever

So last night I was going through some of my old stuff and I came across a picture taken by a beast I used to date. I had actually forgotten his name for a hot minute. It took a while to remember.
Now when I use the word beast......... I mean it literally. He was short, stocky, smelly and way too muscular for his little frame. And to add to his monstrous profile, he had monster kind of attitude to go with it.
So in going to bed it may be likely that I was still subconsciously thinking about him because he came up in my nightmare.

In the dream, I was going out with him and we were going through some unnecessary problems and constantly fighting. (which was the reality of our entire relationship. Totally unnecessary!)
In anger I decided to lock him in his room, which is something I would do during drastic situations.
So I locked him in the house and went about my business of the day and when I returned......... my guy had not only broken down the house door with his monstrous entity, but he was jamming there eating gari and peanuts while a cross eyed Oyinbo chick fondled his balls! Please!! I myself am worried about this nonsense! The funny thing is, if this had actually happened in reality, I would not actually be surprised. Because this monster was fucked up like that! I mean what else do you expect from a Nigerian guy not to mention Yoruba!

So I entered the room and saw the monster and his new monsterling, and all I remember was insulting myself for sinking so low to this level. To the level that a fine babe like me will be dragging with one kind small cancerous anus that was threatening my life and happiness.

I began to laugh and turn around out of the house, when the oga now stood and said "This thing is over, you have finally pushed me into the arms of another woman and I am gone!"

At this point I started to laugh even more (something I do when in serious murder mode and about to hurt someone) and suddenly the Oyinbo Monsterling began to scream! As in... SCREAMMMMMM like something was beating her real bad and then she caught on fire! Now this is the sick part..... but the oga got turned on by her screaming and started to undress her as if she was about to Kpo (fuck) her right there in front of me. Again I was not phased as this is something he was kinda sick enough to do.

Luckily for me the Nightmare ended there as my housemate was banging on my door to wake me up. Lord knows if that dream had continued, I would have either entered coma or been mental scarred beyond repair.

In waking up, I began to pray and thank God for removing me from that situation. I knew this dude for like what, four months, and those where the WORST four months of my entire life. NO JOKE!!!!
From that experience I learnt that it is never good to get with someone just because your bored or feeling low in self esteem.
Never EVER think that being with an ugly guy will make you feel more special as we all would expect an ugly guy to worship the ground of any chick that looks at him.
If an ugly dude has the Nigerian Chromosome in his DNA, home girl... RUN!! Because them niggers still think they are the shit.
People change, no matter how nice they seem at first.
Back then I was constantly depressed but because I was so used to him being around despite the fact he was becoming very violent, I stupidly found it hard to severe ties with this Blood Clart.
I had formed a connection with the most detimental person alive at the wrongest time possible, thus leaving me vulnerable at times and at others, suicidal and very very homicidal. (I am ashamed to admit but I was that stressed)

Anyways life will take you down such dark alleys and thankfully I am in a a happier place. Maybe I mentally blocked him out to the point I forgot his name because of how annoyed that monster made me. (His name was Banji btw, I remembered after alooooooot of thought)

If something is not working out, mehhhn no dey stress! Just finish am!! At the same time, treasure those in your lives, who love you the right way. Treat them well and never be the cause of their pain

Love, Peace and Happy Watermelon seeds

BlackBerry Babes- My review

Have any of you watched this movie? Oh Em Gee! Lol! Nigerians are not serious! If this is truly how naija girls are going on then words cannot begin to describe the saddness I have for these people.

I can imagine this movie was produced to highliught the imagnus stupdidty of Naija Girls going crazy over an ridiculously priced, overrated electronic which to me... looks like a sanitary towel.

This is one of the many scenes that truly hurt my life!!! Ok fair enough! You want a new fone but cooome orrn!!! The guy fine small as well!! Anyways! I am sure this film was done for the Lolz, and Yes it succeeded. But at the same time, these kind of retarded chicks do exist! Sad Times

 Here is the part 2.

Python Swallows New Born Baby!

WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was, is, and will be my reaction when I see this kind of shizzle! How does this nonsense happen?
A senseless and now most likely very distressed mother left her baby outside on a mat to go and do some konkonsa (gossiping)  inside a peers' house. Meanwhile her newborn baby was being made supper to a passer-by python. (How does she feel!!)  An alarm was raised when people and neighbours heard the child crying, only for them to witness the atrocty of the python in the process of gurgling the minute child into its mouth! HMMM!! NAA WWAA OOO!
Unfortunately before they could could find a means of killing the snake, the infant was already dead.
Am I being mean when I say, "Someone should slap that mother!"

Food for Fort:14

Forgiveness is the ability to accept the past could never have been any different.

Food for Fort:13

Don't move mountains for people who won't move pebbles for you! Are you a fool? Kmt

Food for Fort:12

When you tell someone close to you, that the are doing something to hurt you, they should love you enough to stop doing it. Regardless if they don't know when they do it or whatever, if they can't stop, then it is high time to cut that person off. Why make yourself unhappy just to keep selfish, unkind and single-minded people in your life. Life was made to be enjoyed and fulfilled, surrounded by people who love and want the best for you. Do NOT short change yourself.

Hello? Hello?

Ohhhhhhhh! I have just learnt how to blog off my mobile! Wooooohhoo! Lol just fort to share that.

Ghenz's List of Universally Sexy Men! mmmhhh!

I am a big girl so of course I love me some even bigger guys! Not like crazy muscly but tall, strong body and toned like they could simply just ah... BREAK you off! *chuckle*


 I don't think anyone in their right mind can disagree with my list here of potential baby fathers! Feel free to add!

Moris Chestnut- Actor
This is and will always be my first love, the one who steals the cherry, the apple or whatever it is they call that thing!

Ikechukwu- Nigerian artist (Wind am well)
This dude is sexy but I dunno.. I am kinda scared of him! He actually looks like he could damage my hip and stuff! *mmmm! Yum!*

Shemar Moore- American actor (Criminal Minds)
I know this is really bad, but have you ever seen a dude that you want nothing more than to just "RIP" into, literally! I just want to handle him hardcore and leave him broken, sore and dried out! *puts on helmet* It would be peak!

Idris Elba- Actor 

There is not much to say here other than the fact that this here is the Husband! We are married! Anyone you see posing as his wife......... is an imposter we have paid to take all limelight off me till I finish uni! You already know what them paparazzi are like! *pops red pill*

Lance Gross- Actor, Model
Ok even thought I am married to Idris Elba, this is my man on the side! Ya nuh, the hubby who I will probably leave Idris for and marry! It is painful how beautiful he is. God is good! (Nigerian accent)

Blair Underwood- Actor
Sexy, handsome in a grown kinda way.

Boris Kodjoe- Actor
KMRCT!! Do I need to say ANYTHING!??!! Nah seriously... Do I? Because his picture is seriously frustrating me in the most unholy ways. *anoints self with lube...I mean holy oil* This one of those situations where, if you see me disappear into a room, cupboard, toilet, basement with this dude............. I may not emerge for a year. So kindly DELETE my number, FORGET about me! Just know........that I am in a better place!

Logan Marshall-Green, Actor ( I think)
I don't who he is or what he does but all I know is that he is cute! Yes Please!!

Omari Hadrick-Actor
Yes!!!! He is definately baby father material! Very nice looking genes. 

Brian J White- Actor
Beautiful....... just simply beautiful!

Paul Walker- Actor
Yeahhhh!! He kinda cute! The whole blonde and blue eyed cutie thang!

Hugh Jackman- Actor
This is the one and only time... I would pray to get "eaten up" by a wolf man! *smothers self with chocolate spread*

Gerad Butler- Actor
I'm sorry but after the state of his body in the movie "300", I thought it was imperative I placed this guy in my list!!

Djimon Hounsou- Model, Actor
Have you seen his Calvin Klein pictures???? Hmmm! Lets just say Kimora Lee has it going orrnn!

Tyrese Gibson- Model, Singer, Actor
(He has already fathered seven of my children. Don't worry our kids were hawt, just like mummy and daddy!)


Dark skinned 
Tattoos
Body
Voice


AHH!! What more could be desired?

Denzel Washington -Actor
This dude is not just sexy, he is sexy in a older sort of way. I think this is the true definition of handsome! I just wanna sit, cross my legs........... and stare at him!

Tyson Beckford- Model, Actor
You know what? You see how he is in that pool....dripping, soaking wet? *melts* He could be in a boiling pool of hot lava.... and I think I would still pause for like....... 20 seconds.. and consider jumping in and joining him! Best believe, if I jump in, we be having that lava burn up some more!! Or............. I might just die..really really ......really painfully!

Adam Rodriguez - Actor, CSI Miami
I would GLADLY get lost in a desert or forest with this dude! All I ask for regular helicoptor drop-offs of wet wipes and lube! *crosses self*

Sendil Rumamarthy- Actor, Muhinder Suresh in Heroes
I love his voice and I think he simply flawless!

Zachary Quinto- Sylar in Heroes
Ok, I know I may get cussed about this one because believe me, I am asking myself if I am all there! I am in love with his eyebrows and the whole bad guy thing is kind of a.... turn on! I can imagine his thick eyebrows tickling my inner thighs as he.......sings happy birthday to Mrs Claus............! yeahhhhhhh! (I realise I may need help.... seriously!)

Uriel del Toro- Mexican model:
Uriel "the Bull"! As in Bull the animal! Those animals are famous for certain special attributes, you know?!  Hmmmm! I wonder if he is..... ! *kneels down* Someone pray for my dirty mind!

Dwayne Johnson- Wrestler turned actor
All I have to say is..... don't let me anywhere near this dude!! You won't just smell what The Rock is cooking, you will see the smoke too!

Rain- Korean popstar :
Mateeee!!! Please go and watch Ninja Assassin! The body of this human being was truly a work of art! I had to pause the film just to stare at his body. Not to mention he is kinda cute too!

Ryan Gentles: Fitness Guru and Actor
If you are  familiar with Tyler Perry's play, then your dreams and fantasises must have been havoced by this island specimen! I have a thing for dreadlock dudes! Especially the neat ones! Can you imagine him teaching me yoga?!! 


Ok! Don't do that, you will scar your mind! If this was my room, house, garden, kitchen and I had just walked into it ....... to see this..... No comment!

Nigerians Toh Beeeehhhhddd!!!

Who can tell me that Nigerians are not the sexiest people on Earth?!! AREEE YOU MADD FAMALAM??
What I love most about this country is that, everyone is a hustler, hustling to survive and better their lives. Sometimes, yes, it is gone about in the wrong way but when it is good.... Damn!!! It is beautiful!

Nollywood actress Omotola Jalade-Ekehinde, Ghanian actor, John Dumelo (possible baby father candidate) will appear in a Nollywood movie "Ties that bind"  alongside.... Hollywood vixen, Nia Long!!! *Claps* AFRICANS AWWO!

If you don't know who she is..... just .... first of all slap yourself. Ok?
OK! She has previously acted in the first and second Big Mama films alongside Martin Lawrence and Ice Cube in  "Are we there yet?!. This is one sexy lady y'alls!! Its either your girl wants to cut her hair like Nia or your man is fantasising  about her lil' ass, either ways you gotta know her!

The plot for the film is about this dude who is just unlucky, sad and miserable enough to be stuck in an unhappy marriage with a very difficult wife, (I am guessing Omotola) and is fighting and struggling to make his marriage work.................. LOOOOOOL!!! Yeah Right!! So yeah, I think we can like to brand this movie as a Nollywood Fairytale!

This film marks the beginning of collabs between two of the worlds's biggest film industries, Nollywood and Hollywood, therefore appealing to a broader span of audience.

Omotola is not the only Naijan doing us proud! After a successful track with Snoop Dog...Snoop.....Snoop Doggy ooor just Dog, (gosh how many names? Maybe him a P Diddy... |Diddy...P.. are simply schizophrenic! Asian accent loool) there are rumours that D'Banj (FI LE!) has been approached by non other than that college drop-out, heavy jawed, weird but strangely sexy, swagged up  and swagged out........ *beats drumroll*...................... Kanye West. (definite sugar daddy candidate)

The Tweet that started it all!

Now if this is true.......BLLLLAAADDD!!!! Finally.... Just Maybe I might be able to hear some Afro beats in Oceana. I sincerely will pay my £5 or whatever to enter Oceana and listen to that ONE track and go home after happy!

I am seeing a bright future for my country! :-D

BlackBerry Babes - Eniola Badmus, Mary Remmy and Annie Macaulay yabbing

Looooool!!! I truly cant wait for this movie to come out!!! OMG!!! I go booze you later!

BlackBerry Babes - Oge Okoye's Igbotic International Bobo 'Emeka' is Mug...

Loooooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!!

Igbo accent is tooooo much!!

Watch out for this movie out middle of March!

Food for Fort:11

If I don't know who I am, where I come from and where I am going, I will undoubtedly act outside of my intended created purpose hence abuse is inevitable!


Jeeze!
*always have and stick to the plan!

"I will wait for you" by Official P4CM Poet JANETTE...IKZ

This Is Too Much!
Her words are so familiar!

What are you doing for Lent?

Like many Nigerian kids, I was brought up in a Catholic family. It was church every single Sunday, Holy Communion and Confirmation, the whooooooole lot! I did them all! But soon after that, I have since lost the true essence of what it is to even know God not to mention being a Catholic or Christian.

So this year, I decided to take part in the whole Lent thingy. I have given up Facebook and Twitter. Now bearing in mind, Lent only started TODAY...... I am already feeling withdrawal symptoms. Sweating, hot flushes, diarrhoea, lack of sleep...eh.. nah...... not really! *rolls eyes*. But I will say I am not enjoying the absence.

I suppose that is the essence of Lent. To give up something that you truly enjoy in order to remember and appreciate the sacrifices of Jesus. I am going to accept the challenge to my self and strive to make sure I keep to my own word. In a way this is brilliant, as now I can focus on me more in terms uni, career and other stuff right? I put more time into blogging more frequently, making clothes and showing love to my loved ones one- on one rather than throw an LCD screen.

I think I will also try to listen to more Gospel music during this period, just to constantly remind me why I am making this sacrifice and remember to stay thankful that I even have these things to give up.

Is anyone taking part in Lent? Holla with what your sacrifices mehhn!

Mwah *blows kisses*

Peace, Faith and Blessed Watermelon Seeds

Edalam Helicopta gwadadada version 1

This is my inspirational song this year! We need to eradicate all this winter insulation, ready for Carnival 2011! I'm going to make my costume this year soooooooo we cant be having extra rolly bits! xx

Food for Fort:10

Be careful of the people you have close to you. Rely on nobody at all. Even our own shadows disappear in the face of darkness.

International Women's Day

It's International's Women's Day!!!!


I suppose this is day when everyone, especially women, look to the great women that came before us and changed the world so we can live the lives we live today. In turn to respect their memories and their hard work, we as well can look within ourselves and see what it is that we can do to better the world for our future daughters and sisters. 

Losing the Heritage

I saw this video on my Facebook, someone had posted it and hey I thought I would give it a watch. MEHHHNNN! I was UPSET, DISTRESSED, ASHAMED, IMPRESSED, and ANGERED all at once. This is an Oyinbo (White) girl doing what most of us Nigerians of this generation fail to even imagine doing! She is speaking Yoruba!!! AHH!!

Whilst I am very impressed at her dedication and respect of the language, I am saddened that I can't speak one African language. Yet, I am stressing myself to learn Spanish, French, Dutch and Chinese! I feel I have been duped out of my own African heritage and in turn will have nothing to pass onto my children. And before you start saying that it is my fault, it truly isn't! The person we need to bring up for questioning here is the parents!!! My mother is already in trouble, as I have been moaning for as long as I can remember at not being able to speak, hear or read my native tongue.

OK I understand basic stuff like, "close the door" or "stir the pot well" and "Are you nuts, don't tempt me to smack you?" Loooooooooooooool! (Being a very mischievous and stubborn little girl, I got that last one ALOT!)but that is a mere fleck of dust in comparison to our dear Oyinbo sister her speaking in fluent Yoruba, No English!!!! Oyinbo Toh Behhd!!

Anyways, all we can do now is, if you can't speak your tongue, marry someone who can or find some classes, Youtube pronto!

Peace and Juicy WaterMelon Seeds!

Food for Fort:9

Being lazy is just plain asking to suffer! Eradicate laziness from your attitude, life and manners. You wanna eat right?